TriangGULO (Chapter 9)

Ayaw talaga akong patulugin ng tadhana. Lumipat ako sa room ni Lorraine para malimutan kahit papaano ang war ng parents ko. Pero eto, napapatulala na ako kay Lorraine. Her face is so angelic but it's not peaceful. Not peaceful literally but if you're gonna feel it, mararamdaman mo na parang she went through a lot of pains. Kung ano man yun, gustong-gusto kong malaman. Not because I'm curious about the real her but I wanted to be the person (first person kung sakali mang wala pa) who would comfort her. For me, that's sweetness and very loving. I just wanted to hug her and feel the pain more than what she feels.
It's 3am in the morning. Grabe ako! For four hours di ako nagsawa sa karakas ng pagmumukha niya. I know that she's gonna wake up at 3:30 or 4:00 in the morning. Pero ayun parang I'm not caring if she's gonna see me just staring at her. Alam mo yung stare na may halong pagnanasa. Pagnanasang kunin siya and ikulong siya to make sure that she's going to be yours forever.
Nagulat ako sa sudden movement niya so yun napahiga ako. A moment later, himbing na himbing pa siya. I stared to her again and bigla-bigla, I kissed her on the cheek. Kung naranasan mo na'ng ma-in love, alam mo ang feeling ko nung time na yun. Parang kinukuryente at maiistroke ka pa. Humiga ako at saktong paghiga ko bigla siyang bumangon. Tumalikod ako sa kanya and checked my watch secretly. It's already 3:30 and it seems like isang case ng energy drink ang ininom ko. I pretended to be sleeping. Di ko alam kung ano pang ginawa niya nun. Suddenly, someone kissed me on my cheek. Of course I have to make sure that someone will walk going outside. when I was able to hear the footsteps, I saw Lorraine going outside of the room.
And there I was, kinikilig na parang bulateng kinukuryente.
Di na ako natulog at iniisip ko kung bakit niya ako kiniss sa cheek. Did she feel it when I kiss her? Is she awake by the time I kiss her? Ang daming questions ang daming sagot pero isa lang ang tumbok. May gusto (I think at that time) sa akin si Lorraine. And I wasn't aware that I'm being bisexual at that moment.
After I prepared for school, I went to the kitchen not to eat but to look for her.
"Manang Ading, where's Lorraine?"
"Ma'am umalis po siya ng alas-sais." sagot ng trusted maid namin for ten years.

I saw Lorraine and Luke chit-chatting in front of our classroom. I saw them laughing na parang hindi transferee ang isa sa kanila. Nagdadalawang-isip ako kung tatawagin ko ba si Lorraine. But I ended up calling her.
"Lorraine!" and both of them looked at me. Luke was smiling at me while Lorraine's smile was gone. Kung kaninong ngiti pa man din ang gusto kong makita. Nakakaasar kapag ganun ang binigay na expression sa'yo ng taong gusto mo. Yung pinapakita niya sa'yo na ayaw ka niyang makita. I came to them and said hi.
"Hi, Clarissa," Luke greeted me, "Okay 'tong si Lawrence ah. Sarap kasama," and Lorraine smiled at him.
"Lorraine ang pangalan niya," but deep inside me- sana nga Lawrence na lang siya. At ako na ang bahalang mag-flirt.
"Lawrence siya. Matatawag mo bang Lorraine ang isang taong may malaking boses?"
"Baliw ka talaga," sabay siko sa kanya ni Lorraine.
At that very moment, I wished that I was on Luke's situation. Yung pag-kasama ako ni Lorraine ako yung taong nakakakita at nakaka-feel ng ngiti niya. Ako yung nakakabiruan niya at ako ang taong iniiyakan niya if she has problems.
Buhay nga naman. Kung ano o sino pa ang gusto mo yun ang pinakabawal.