TriangGULO (Chapter 13)

Wednesday. Oh yes! This is it. Dapat everything will be alright. I should not fail. Ewan ko lang kung para saan at naiisip ko that I should do good today. For Lorraine? I know di lang niya ako papansinin but for me, being good means a lot.
I went home early. I prepared snacks for us, the two of us. I'm being paranoid. While I'm making the snacks, pumapasok sa isip ko na lagyan ng pampatulog ang drinks niya. Ano naman ang gagawin ko sa kanya? Pipikutin? Nasisiraan na talaga ako ng ulo. Feeling ko, may demon and angel sa utak ko at naiisip ko yun. Yung parang sa mga pelikula, nagko-contradict ang angel and demon.
Dumating na ang time ng tutorial niya sa akin. Tutorial ko sa kanya? Ewan. Pati mga pinagsasabi ko, I don't understand.
We will do our sessions inside her room. Ako na rin ang nag-suggest cause I don't like studying inside my room. Ang dami kasing gadgets and I'm afraid that I will be engaged to it again. Remember, I want to do a good thing this time.
We were sitting at her bed. Books are opened wide and spread out. I told her that we should take the easiest first. And so, she was now teaching me about English subject.
"Always remember that you have to look on the clues written on every sentences. In that way, you'll know the meaning of the words which you don't understand," she paused to write something on a paper. She continued, "Now," giving me the paper where she wrote the sentence, "identify the meaning," she's referring to the deepest word written on the paper.
I started to read her sentence, "Hankering to someone great results in striving for more." Hankering? Parang common. Pero ba't di ko alam. I read it all over again. "Ah! en..... vy?"
"En..... vy?" she immitated me. Ang cute ng pagkakasabi niya. "Yeah. You're right."
Tuloy-tuloy lang ang pag-tutor niya. Di ko natiis na ma-bored. Maybe at first, she just ignored it. She told me to listen carefully so that her time and mine as well isn't wasted. But I can't stop myself. Grabe naman kasi siya mag-tutor. Tuloy-tuloy. Nakakagutom. Pero kung titigan lang kaming dalawa, kaya ko.
"Kukuha nga muna ako ng merienda!" Nairita na siya and you'll see it on her right eye and two eyebrows. Magkasalubong na halos.
She shut the door slightly loud. Feeling ko lang na takot siyang mapagalitan ni Mommy.
I looked around her small room but still sitting on her bed. There, on her blue bed, I saw a slum book. I get it and gazed at it. Medyo luma na dahil sa design. I know na sinadya yun kung sino mang designer ang gumawa.
I opened it and read the title page, "Carlo's Diary." Carlo? I remember Lorraine calling Luke by this name. Who's this guy? I tried to read more but the door immediately opened.
"Ba't mo hawak yan?" pumasok siya then closed the door and put the snacks at the drawer near the door. She stole the notebook from my hand. That was my first time to see her angry eyes. Yung past, inis lang yun. But this time, it's anger. And it's scary. So much.
"So..." she cut my word.
"Sa susunod pwede bang wag kang makialam ng mga gamit ko?!" She's really mad at me. Yung nakakatunaw niyang mata, ngayon nakamamatay na. Even her left eye that was blind. "Kahit bahay niyo 'to, may karapatan pa rin ako sa mga gamit ko!" she sat on the right corner of her bed. Magkatalikuran kami.
"Sorry na nga eh," pero di ko na-feel ang pag-iyak dahil tumatak sa isip ko yung angry eyes niya.
"Ano ang nabasa mo?" bigla niyang tanong.
"Carlo's Diary. Yun lang, promise." I swore her.
She sighed. Nabalot ang room ng katahimikan. All I can hear is her breath. It's like, I'm memorizing how she breathes. Sobrang obsession na yun.
To end the quietness of the room, I asked her, "May tatanong ako. Bakit mo ako kiniss sa cheek last night. When I was sleeping here. Tapos, you called Luke Carlo. Sino ba si Carlo?"
"Ano bang paki mo?" she quickly said.
"Nagtatanong akong maayos so sagutin mo ng maayos." I was serious at that time. I heard her sigh again. "May problema? Sabihin mo sa akin. I'll listen just like what you did to me last time."
"Si..... Si Carlo," di ko expect na she'll tell it to me, "ang first love ko. Siya ang nag-turo sa akin ng lahat ng nalalaman ko ngayon. Not on academics but on life. Siya yung nagturo sa akin kung paano makiramdam nung nabulag yung left eye ko," she's sobbing, "mula nu'n, I started to fall for him."
"Eh," I tried to make my voice sound pitiful, "nung kiniss mo ako?"
"Alam mo ba kung bakit ako naiirita sa'yo?"
"Dahil masyado akong maarte?"
"Hindi. Hindi dahil maarte ka kaya ayaw kita. Naaalala ko yung younger sister ko sa'yo. Kamukha mo siya sa ibang anggulo. Magkakilos. Sa akin siya nag-susumbong at umiiyak. Parehas kayo. Parehas ang trato ko sa inyo," so younger sister lang ako para sa kanya.
"Nasa'n siya ngayon?"
"Heaven. She was killed by my father. In front of me," she's starting to cry louder but not that loud, "pero wala akong nagawa. Ang nagawa ko lang is to look at her dying," she stopped to cry. "Hin.... Hindi ko man lang siya pinagtanggol. Bakit? Takot akong mamatay. Tama na ang pagkabulag ng isa kong mata, yun ang nasa isip ko dati. Pero mas masakit pala 'pag isang taong may malaking parte sa buhay mo ang nakita mong namatay.
"I ran to Carlo's house. Pero naabutan ko na silang paalis ng bahay," I think she wiped her tears because she stopped. I can't see her kasi di ko kaya. "Ayan. Yang diary na pinakialaman mo kanina ang binigay niya. Sabi niya, nakasulat daw lahat diyan ang dahilan ng mga nangyayari sa buhay ko. Buhay niya. Buhay ng lahat."
"I spotted you holding that diary three times. It seems like you want to read it but there's something that stops you. Meron nga ba?"
"Ayaw kong basahin yan hangga't di ko naaayos ang problema ko sa mata ko. I made a promise to Carlo. He told me that I should read it kapag, you know. And I said yes."
I came to her side, "Ba't di na lang ako ang magbasa tapos sasabi....." sumingit na naman siya.
"Di ako tulad mo!" mula sa pagkakayuko ng ulo niya, she stared at me, "I can't break my promise. Specially to the one I love the most." You can see it to her eyes that she's deeply in-loved with him.
"Ganun ba. Well, where is he now?" I asked him. Ayokong makita niyang napahiya ako.
"I don't know," she bowed her head again, "We lost our communications from that day onwards."
A moment of silence. It was enough to play back her sayings. "Specially to the one I love the most, I can't break a promise" keeps playing on my mind. How refreshing if your loved-one will say it to you. Sana ako na lang ang sabihan niya ng ganun. Kahit kunwari lang para sa kanya basta di ko alam na scripted, ayos lang. Tatanggapin ko pa rin.
She broke the silence, "Mag-review ka na nga!"

Specially to the one I love the most, I can't break a promise. I am imagining her saying that to me.......... Until I fell asleep to her bed, again.