TriangGULO (Chapter 23)

I ran as fast as I could. I want to stay away from Lorraine. Not because I was afraid that she's going to tell everyone that I killed Luke, but because I'm afraid that her anger will be pour unto me strongly. Natatakot akong makita yung mga mata niyang magalit. Ang mata niya, sala sa init at sala sa lamig. Yes you may be attracted. But beware, it may give you a lot of distract. Distract na nakaka-stress. Distract na hindi mo malilimutan at maaring ikatakot mo buong buhay kahit pa wala na siyang galit.
As I headed to my room, I saw my mother going downstairs to see what's happening. She saw me with a lot of blood. She tried to stop me but I keep on going on.
I heard her calling out Lorraine's name. As I left Lorraine, she was screaming and crying. Parang yung sigaw ng mga creatures sa horror movies kapag gusto nilang mag-seek ng revenge.
"Lorraine! Clarissa! Anong nangyayari?!" My mother was panicking.
I tried to forget that night. I can't remember anything. Until now, it was a great shock to me.
Next day was even worse.

Lorraine was packing her things up. I didn't tried to stop her dahil alam kong di na siya mapipigilan once na nakapag-decide na siya. Hindi ko rin makayanan na makitang aalis siya.
At first, I didn't attempted to watch her leave. I was inside my room and I can hear her conversation with my parents.
"I promise you that I won't tell anybody what happened. Just give me your word and you can count on me." Ngayon naliwanagan na ako kung bakit hindi niya ako agad pinahirapan. Habang tumatagal, mas lalo kong naiintindihan lahat ng bagay.
Naramdaman ko ang sign of relief sa parents ko. "Sige," my Dad was speaking, "I'll fix the things that you asked me kapalit ng pagtago mo sa pangyayari."
"I'll leave now. Thanks for everything." Then, no words came next.
I followed her after a while. Nakalabas na siya ng gate nang masundan ko siya.
I stopped her by hugging her. "Wag!"
She released my hands and she spoke to me without facing me. "Sino ka ba para pigilan ako?"
"Ako lang naman ang taong nagmamahal sa'yo," I was starting to cry.
"Ano?" she faced me, "Nagmamahal? At ang kapal naman ng mukha mo! Hindi pagmamahal yan, that's being bisexual! You're just having for your satisfaction! You're just having me for your bisexuality and not for loving me!" Every thing seemed to stop when I slapped her.
"Wala kang alam sa nararamdaman ko," we're both crying, "dahil ako ang nakakaramdam nito."
"Pa'no naman ako?" continuous cry, "Nasa'yo na nga lahat eh," humahagulgol na siya. That's her first time, "Mayaman kayo, matalino ka kahit papano, maganda ka at mahal ka ni Luke! Clarissa, yun na lang nga ang pagkakataon ko eh. Pagkakataong makasama siya kahit nasasaktan na ako. Tinitiis ko kasi alam kong ang kapalit nun, kasiyahan niya. Tapos inalis mo pa yung pagkakataong yon!"
"Wag mong sabihing nasa akin na ang lahat," I answered immediately. That scene was like a movie, "dahil hindi pa kita nakukuha."
"Hindi ako bagay! At kung bagay man ako, hindi ako magpapakuha sa'yo! Clarissa, makuntento ka naman. Alam mo ba kung ga'no kasakit na ikaw ang lagi naming pinaguusapan ni Luke? Gustong-gusto kong alamin naman niya yung buhay ko pero puro ikaw, ikaw, IKAW!" she paused because she was crying too hard, "Alam mo, nagsisisi ako kung bakit pa kita kinaibigan. Sana hindi na lang. Alam mong..." I stopped her.
"Tama na!" I stared at her for a while. "Ikaw, wala ka bang utang na loob sa'kin? Ako ang dahilan kung bakit ka nagkaroon ng isang mata!"
She remained calm and talked to me again, "Matagal na akong bayad. At ikaw ang may utang sa'kin." That dreadful stare. "Hindi mo alam kung ano ang kaya kong gawin sa buhay mo. Kayang-kaya kong guluhin yan." Then she left me.

She left me. She left me broken. But though she's with me, her heart for me is a hatred.
I wonder, mapapatawad mo pa ba ako Lorraine? (There was a mark of teardrop on this part.)
I love you. It's not because of my bisexuality. It's because it makes my heart feels right. Mahal kita kahit galit ka sa'kin. Kahit saktan mo ako ng paulit-ulit. Kahit ikinahiya na ako ng mga magulang ko. I'll always try to keep coming back to you.